"Where There Is Great Love, There Are Always Miracles"...

Since my last post, Katelyn has had significant ups and downs. Back in June, she was again admitted to the PPHP program due to her severe aggression and self-injurious behavior. She was placed on Zoloft and her Risperdal was increased. She was then discharged in mid-July and she returned to her preschool for the last few weeks of the summer program. During this time, she had significant difficulties both at home and at school.

After the summer session ended, there was a 4-week break, during which time she was showing significant regression in terms of her behavior. It was quite apparent that she could not deal with breaks in her schooling, as evidenced by her PPHP admissions and 3-week stay at Children's Hospital, all occurring after school breaks. At this point, we were considering out-of-district placement to a school that would specialize in dealing with children similar to Katelyn, exhibiting both characteristics of autism as well as psychiatric issues. Her psychologist, developmental pediatrician, primary care physician, and neuropsychologist were all in agreement that there was sufficient reason to believe that she could no longer function in a public school setting, and out-of-district placement was recommended.

I met with the school to discuss our concerns, and they were very concerned as well. They have been wonderful to Katelyn and her family throughout all of our struggles, and they truly care deeply for her. The school psychologist and adjustment counselor became part of her team and we decided that it was worth giving it another shot at her preschool since that is the ideal place for her, if possible. Her teacher suggested that all members of her team be included on an email list so that we can all be on the same page and communicate about Katelyn's treatment, which has helped tremendously. And, boy, did Katelyn surprise all of us!

Expecting the worst, we were shocked to hear that she did well the first few days of school, and even enjoyed taking the bus again! We were still cautious, wondering if the "honeymoon period" would end like it almost always did, but it has continued! And I am so happy to report that she has drastically improved ever since! She is now playing with Ashley on a daily basis -- they are like best friends now, with the occasional fight, but nothing out of the ordinary for "typical" sibling rivalry. Just weeks before, she wasn't even able to be in the same room as Ashley, and sometimes not even on the same level of the house, without having a complete meltdown. Now she gets upset if she can't be with Ashley!

Who knows what the reasons are for her significant improvements -- perhaps her medication, perhaps the hard work and dedication of her family, school staff, and therapeutic supports, perhaps the fact that we turned our dining room into a play room, perhaps a sudden developmental growth on her part, perhaps all of the prayers and love that so many people have shared with us -- whatever the cause, it is a true miracle.

We have seen what Hell is like, believe me. But having gone through all of the difficulties over the past year, and coming through them alive and intact, we've grown stronger, and we will never, ever give up hope, no matter what obstacles may come our way in the future. We now have a taste of Heaven and we will never let it go.

(Quote by Willa Cather)

So Far, So So...

Katelyn has been in the partial hospital program for almost 3 weeks now. She likes the staff and seems to look forward to going there, but she is still struggling in many ways.

After observing her and collecting data from her family, teacher, and diagnostic tests, it has been determined that she is suffering from a severe anxiety disorder and most likely depression as well. There is most likely something else going on here in addition, but right now the focus is to alleviate some of her anxiety since she is in an insurmountable amount of distress, which is making it impossible for any other behavioral interventions to have an effect at this time. Therefore, last Tuesday, after careful consideration by her psychiatric team and family, and weighing the pros and cons, we agreed to a trial of low-dose Prozac to hopefully help get her level of anxiety to a more manageable state. This was an extremely difficult decision for us, but at this point, all other avenues have been exhausted and it is clear that nothing is going to be able to help her until we get her anxiety under control. Now, we just have to wait and see if it has an effect, which could take weeks.

We have seen some improvement in certain areas, but she still has a very long way to go. She has shown some interest in activities lately, such as doing puzzles or building towers with giant Legos. However, she still requires a significant amount of adult direction and encouragement to become engaged in most activities. She also has been smiling and laughing more, and even showing some interest in being silly with Ashley, although she is still aggressive towards her at times. Unfortunately, she is still perseverating constantly, even worse than before, asking for things over and over and over and over again for hours on end, and then screaming or becoming aggressive when she does not get immediate gratification.

Because she is so unstable at this time, we have decided to postpone her reevaluation at the May Institute until she is better able to demonstrate her true potential and capabilities. At this point, we honestly are questioning whether she truly has autism or if this is something entirely different masking itself as autism because some of the behaviors that she is demonstrating (i.e. her awareness of how her actions affect others, doing things "out of spite," etc.) are not consistent with an autism diagnosis. Even the director of the program stated that he does not feel that she presents with classic autism symptoms at this time, which is what her diagnosis currently is. Although she does exhibit many "red flags" for autism, he feels that we will have to wait and see over time how it all plays out to determine if she truly has autism or just some characteristics. So we will definitely be having her reevaluated at the autism diagnostic center when appropriate.

At this time, it is unclear how many more weeks she will be in the program, but we are trying to be optimistic that she will continue to make improvements. We are hoping that we will see significant progress once the Prozac takes effect since she is still being tormented by the level of distress that her little body and mind are experiencing on a constant basis, which is also taking its toll on our entire family. I'll continue to provide updates when I can. Thank you all for your continued support, love, and prayers.

Right Back Where We Started From...

It has been quite a while since I last posted and a lot has happened since (including the birth of our baby boy, Trevor Kyle, in January!)

In December, Katelyn had a bout of pneumonia and it really set her back. Up until then, she had been really progressing well. However, being very sick for over a week, coupled with then being out of school for winter recess, she really regressed in terms of her behavior and willingness to do things independently. Her control issues also escalated and she became even more demanding than before.

After doing some research and talking with other parents of children with autism, we decided to try a course of Nystatin since she was on amoxicillin for the pneumonia and antibiotics often can cause an overgrowth of yeast in the body, especially in children with autism. We have yet to see any improvement. In fact, as time goes on, her behavior has been getting far worse, both at home and now at school.

We are now suspecting that something else is going on in addition to her autism that is causing her to behave this way. Her teacher and therapists have never encountered a child like Katelyn and they are as baffled as we are. We have tossed around the idea that perhaps it is obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or even depression that is causing her to be so demanding and controlling, but now we are leaning more towards oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). I had heard of ODD way back when I first read about autism, but at the time I did not feel that Katelyn fit that profile whatsoever. Now, however, she seems to fit it to a tee.


Here is a brief description of oppositional defiant disorder:

In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster’s day to day functioning. Symptoms of ODD may include:

• Frequent temper tantrums
• Excessive arguing with adults
• Often questioning rules
• Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
• Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
• Blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
• Often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
• Frequent anger and resentment
• Mean and hateful talking when upset
• Spiteful attitude and revenge seeking

We have been seeing an increase in aggression both towards herself and to others, especially to her sister, Ashley. Thank God she has not directed any of this towards Trevor, but I worry that it is only a matter of time before the novelty wears off. She is also starting to hit other children at school without any reason other than the fact that they walked by her. She has been increasingly demanding and controlling, and she deliberately seeks to annoy or upset others, especially me unfortunately, probably because I am the main disciplinarian since I am with her the most. She will purposely defy us, even if it means forfeiting privileges that she earned, and begged for, moments earlier. If we say yes, she says no. If we say no, she says yes. Every single aspect of our lives with Katelyn has become a constant battleground. She cuts off her nose to spite her face.

Because this is interfering with her at school and at home, we have decided to pursue psychiatric evaluation for Katelyn. Our first step is going to be getting her re-evaluated by the same doctor who diagnosed her autism. This will take place in March and we will get the results of the evaluation mid-April. We also put her name on a waiting list for a local center specializing in children's behavioral health, but they said that we will most likely not hear from them for at least two months to book an evaluation.

So now the waiting begins once again...the not knowing...the hoping that getting a diagnosis will offer some sort of help for our child and our family as a whole. We are right back where we started from when we first began this journey back in 2008, but this time it feels much different to me.

When receiving the diagnosis of autism, I threw myself into advocating for my child and learning as much as I could about autism, but this is really affecting me to my core. I cannot express how difficult it is to deal with the fact that your child may have a disorder that causes her to want to purposely upset you, or that creates such turmoil inside of her that she no longer enjoys things that she used to because she is in a constant battle within herself. I am often reminded of the nursery rhyme line: "And when she was good, she was very, very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid." And what makes it worse is that I know in my heart that this is NOT my child...this is not who she was just a few short months ago. And I will do everything in my power to ensure that this is not who she will be forever.

It's Been Way Too Long...

It has been quite a few months since my last update and there is so much to catch you all up on. First, I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with our third child, which is the main reason that I have been missing in action due to morning sickness, or in my usual case, 24-hour-a-day sickness. We are hoping for a boy this time and will find out September 1st.

As far as Katelyn goes, there is so much to say that I will inevitably forget something, but I will do my best to remember everything that has happened over the past few months.

You are what you eat...
We started Katelyn on the gluten-free/casein-free diet (GFCF) back on April 28th, which basically means that she no longer eats wheat (and some other grains) or milk products. There is a lot of information on the Internet about the GFCF diet and how it has been shown to help many children with autism. There is a whole science behind the diet that I find fascinating.

After researching and talking with other parents of autistic children who have seen positive results, we decided it was worth a shot. Some of the immediate improvements that we noticed shortly after implementing the diet were less "stimming," a significant increase in speech and language skills, improved behavior (specifically less aggressive behavior towards Ashley), increased social awareness and interaction, increased focus, and a happier demeanor overall.

It certainly was not easy to start the diet, but once we found substitutes for her favorite foods, it definitely got easier. And for those of you who think that your child would "starve" if you tried this diet (I used to feel this way!), just know that the kids who are very picky and only eat certain foods, especially those who limit themselves to gluten and milk products, are usually the ones who will benefit from the diet the most. Of course, vitamins and supplements need to be implemented in order to ensure that certain nutrients, such as calcium, are not deficient.

A few of my favorite sites are GFCFdiet.com, TACA.com, and of course my favorite message board, which has been a lifesaver in so many ways. I also highly recommend the book, The Kid-Friendly ADHD and Autism Cookbook, which not only explains the scientific reasons why the diet works, but offers many great recipes!

Let's get things moving...
Katelyn had been having chronic diarrhea for months, so we decided to take Katelyn to a pediatric gastroenterologist just to be sure that there was nothing serious going on. Well, it turned out that she was severely impacted all the way up to her stomach, and the doctor said that she was probably like that for six months! He then performed an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy, took biopsies, and cleaned her out completely. His immediate suspicion was celiac disease, but he needed to wait for the results of the biopsies.

Two weeks later, we went back for followup and found out that she does not have celiac disease, but she is lactose intolerant. Also, an x-ray revealed that she was once again impacted all the way up, despite being completely cleaned out two weeks prior. The doctor said that it appears that she has very slow motility of her bowels, or that they simply do not "move" like they should. He prescribed Ex-Lax and Miralax to help her bowels function properly. Two weeks later, we returned and discovered that although she was still impacted, it was not as severe as previously, so the doctor is hopeful that the medicine regimen is working and asked us to return in one month, which will be in September.

On the same page...
We had Katelyn's IEP meeting (special education) for preschool back in May and it went extremely well. The school offered us everything we were looking for and are completely on the same page as us when it comes to our concerns for Katelyn. They also agreed to contract with one of our existing ABA providers for the summer, which has been great! We couldn't be happier with our relationship with the school thus far!!!

The wheels on the bus go round and round...
Katelyn attended preschool for the summer session and it was a great success! There were two sessions offered, one specifically for kids with autism and one "regular" classroom that included kids with IEPs. It was decided at her IEP meeting that she would benefit the most from the regular classroom rather than the autistic classroom because she is so verbal now and she has already come so far with her ABA therapy. Katelyn really enjoyed the summer session and loved riding the school bus! She asks for school (and the school bus) all of the time and is excited to go back! I'm excited for her to start school in the fall also!

In September, she will be attending the same preschool full-time with the same teacher, who is absolutely amazing! She will spend some time in a small group setting and then other times in a larger "regular" classroom with peer models. We are very optimistic that she will have a successful school year!

How I feel about the "cure" and Jenny McCarthy...

Last night, Kevin and I watched the interview with Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey on Larry King Live. Here is my personal opinion on the autism "cure" and Jenny McCarthy's efforts in the "war on autism."

I do not believe that we can "cure" our children (nor would I actually want to), but that we can "recover" our children and help them be able to function as close to NT as possible.

I personally am not looking for a "cure" for Katelyn. I believe that our ASD children can teach us so much about acceptance and love and seeing the world in a whole new way, and I am grateful that Katelyn has come into my life. I love all of her little quirks and obsessions and things that make her HER, but of course I also wish for ways to help her with sensory issues, social skills, and aggression. So I would definitely welcome something that would help her "recover" from the things that will be roadblocks in her life, but would I want her "cured" -- never. To me, autism is a large part of who she is and I love her just the way she is.

I also agree with Temple Grandin that if we "cure" autism, the world would actually suffer because there would no longer be social misfits with brilliant minds inventing all of the wonderful things like the internet, etc. Everyone would be too busy socializing

But I respect those parents who are desperately looking for a cure for their child. All of us have different experiences with our ASD kids and only we as their parents know what it is like to raise them.

As far as Jenny, I read her book, Louder Than Words, when I was waiting to get Katelyn diagnosed. I really enjoyed her book and it gave me hope in a time of worry and confusion. I do think that it is great that she and Jim Carrey are on a mission to educate people about autism, and that they are fighting the battle, but I do believe that she is a little overboard and one-sided. I do wish that she would be more careful and more open-minded about the fact that not every child can be "cured" or "recovered" in the ways that her son has been. She needs to be looking out for the needs of EVERY child with autism.

Here is PART 1 of the Larry King interview with Jenny and Jim:


If you would like to watch the rest of the interview, click the links below:
PART 2
PART 3
PART 4
PART 5

If you would prefer to read the transcript from the show,CLICK HERE.

Glossary: NT = neurotypical or "normal", ASD = autism spectrum disorder